fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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