Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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