halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
