i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm too high and old for this...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize