An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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