Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
