OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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