guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
