I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
being pregnant is like rehab
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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