Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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