ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
