you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
