Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
