but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
