If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
