Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
