Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
