I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
