glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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