Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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