Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
