Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
