just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
