If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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