I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
