He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
