Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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