if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
