I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
