It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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