we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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