Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
