I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
