we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
