You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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