I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
