I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
