Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
