you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
