he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
