oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
