I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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