Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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