He is an equal opportunity slut.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
