I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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