Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
