Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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