I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
