i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
