Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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