I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
