1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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