After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
