At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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