I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
