You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
