i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
