I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
