my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
