so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
