i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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