hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
