Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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