just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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