My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
