i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
