dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
