I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Shame is for Republicans.
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