So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
