My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
