i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
