i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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