woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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