I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
