I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize