I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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